Respect and power

As humans, we tend to respect others in proportion to the power they wield. The more powerful the person, the greater the respect we will feel for them and show them.

We respect people who are powerful for a variety of reasons. Most of them are selfish. Some are a result of failing to see through the veil of mortality that blinds us to the things that really matter.

Mostly, we respect the powerful for selfish reasons. Those in power can use that power to either hurt or help us. Whether they do the former or the latter is ultimately up to their personal discretion. So by showing respect to the powerful, we are hoping to increase the likelihood that they will use their power and influence to our benefit and not the opposite.

This is really the core principle at work in what people on the East Coast call “networking.” It's really nothing more than showing deference and respect to those who, by their positions of influence and power, may be able to help you in the future. On the flip side, we hesitate to offend (and rush to please) those whose wrath we want to avoid – a boss at work, for instance; or a government official prior to an inspection or some sort of regulatory approval.

Of course, this phenomenon works both ways. Those who hold no power over us, or who possess no influence that could possibly help or hurt us, we treat with disrespect. But disrespect is harder to define than its opposite, for it takes on many different forms and comes in many different colors. For instance, outright contempt is certainly a form of disrespect, and one might show haughty contempt for the beggar, or the illiterate peasant woman. But more commonly – for less arrogant people, anyway – disrespect is shown in different ways: as condescension; indulgence of “silly behavior”; mere tolerance; or a patronizing attitude.

I saw a man – a well-dressed, young professional – walk into a supermarket today and nearly run into a couple young women – clearly students – on their way out. He pulled up just in time and waited briefly for them to pass. His facial expression clearly read, “Why are these silly girls in my way? They nearly ran right into me.” He clearly felt they were a nuisance to be tolerated at best. “Ah well,” he face seemed to say, as he continued on into the store, “they're just women, after all. More important (read “powerful”) people like myself will just have to be patient with them.”

I contrasted that reaction to what it would have been if he had nearly bumped into a Senator or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. He would certainly have excused himself, apologizing for nearly causing an accident, and showed great deference.

But there is at least one other factor at play here as well. The tendency to respect the powerful is due to more than human selfishness. It stems also from an inability to see through the veil of mortality and perceive the things that matter most. Most of us have our priorities all out of order and assign value to all the wrong things. Greatness, for instance, we define in terms of power and influence. As a result, we tend to respect and admire the powerful, while we disdain and condescend to the weak.

Yet Jesus clearly taught that the greatest is the least – the most humble, the most kind, the one who serves and gives. Our respect for others ought to stem, first and foremost, from a recognition of their divinity and infinite potential. Of this same Jesus, who turned the world's understanding of greatness and worth on its head, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Alone in history he estimated the greatness of man. One man was true to what is in you and me.” As such, our respect for our fellow human beings ought to be universal.

Beyond that, we ought to respect others for their virtues: for moral courage, integrity, compassion, kindness, patience, service, sacrifice, and selflessness. Last of all should be their power and influence – for who knows by what means they obtained it?

This tendency to disdain the weak because we value power is at the core of sexism. It is responsible for why, throughout history, and even to the present day, women have never enjoyed the level of respect they deserve from men. It is also part of why the feminist movement has focused so relentlessly on helping women break into positions of social, economic, and political power. It is also why I remain critical of the feminist movement for exactly this emphasis: making women more powerful won't change the underlying flaw – that only the powerful are respected. It means that individual women will have to choose to pursue power if they want respect. And society will continue to punish those who have their priorities in the right place – in effect, those whose love of goodness exceeds their love of power (or their desire for respect by acquiring power).

Now, I realize I'm being idealistic here. Changing one of the fundamental tendencies of humanity is no mean feat. And I don't blame feminists for trying to gain respect through the easiest channels (i.e. by “playing by the rules of the game”). But still, women ought to be respected whether they wield power or not. A woman without much political power or influence is equally worthy of a man's respect (or that of her fellow women) as any other.

This matters. Because a world where corruption is reigned in, where abuse of power is curtailed, and where people are valued for the things that really matter – their infinite, divine worth and the virtues they cultivate – is within our grasp. But we have to learn to resist the natural human reaction to respect power. And in its place, learn to respect goodness.